through the blue doors

Jean-David and I have recently moved. Our old apartment was furnished and our new apartment was empty. And that means one thing and one thing only…

IKEA!

Call me a sell-out…but whatever…anyone who sneers at Ikea has it all wrong. I spent hours poring over the Ikea catalogue and website imbibing in the sheer simplicity and neat-space-saving-tips-and-tricks chartered by those thrifty Swedes. From the Karlstad convertible couch (You got a plane ticket? We got a couch!) to the stroudlflunginflieegneshtieninflurb (the bar that holds utensils in the kitchen) we were ready for our big Ikea adventure.

Saturday morning came and I bounded out of bed…willing to skip my morning Nesspresso (I’m sorry…have you seen George Clooney?) in order to be amongst the first walking through those gigantic blue doors.

Bliss. You can eat meatballs and shop for kitchen cabinets and cushions all at once. Ah! The sweet ambrosia that is Ikea! I forgot about my meticulously researched list and went Ikrazay! Shiny! New! Cunning hazaa…magical storage!!

But then-we reached the end of the perfectly decorated display rooms.

Gone were the great lighting schemes, the plump couches and groovy geometric throws. We had crossed over.

To the moment when Ikea becomes h-e-double-hockey-sticks.

The cardboard covered furniture labyrinth hell is only the start to what is known only as the Ikea Inferno…

That great bedframe you had to have and was a steal at $89?

Five hours of your life later, this chic Engan bedframe is built in only 27 steps…or well 32 including the major fight you got into over what to do during step 18 (which was incomprehensible), the pizzas you ordered, the tears you succumbed to when you finally realized that the dinglehopper goes over the schmadoodle and not under it…the hiding of the extra bits and bobs you couldn’t quite figure out to do with and of course the ceremonial burning of the instructional booklet…

2 kullens, 1 engan, 1 lillangen, 1 karlstad (did you know you actually have to build your own couch?!), 1 expedit, 1 asksvist, 1 pax, 1 gormet, 8 lacks, and 1 big scdkoriso;sdfodufluferen and our apartment was furnished!

I’m just ignoring the pile of shelves sitting in the corner of our bedroom.

Anyway, whatever. I can't wait to go back.